The Call

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So…I had to call, anyone who knows me that I have a tendency to act then think…sometreturn-phone-call-text-ftrhing I am working on.  So, I had to call him, I guess it was my selfish, egotistical manner, that  needed to know.

I called.  He answered…

It wasn’t weird.

I told him that the #2  called me and told me, that they were in a vested relationship and he loved her.

There was silence.

Hmm let’s ponder something here, I mean, many logical persons may be asking.  But wait, he’s not with you, you were the “outside women” according to #2, but yet still, they’re not together.  Good question, If i’m not an issue, why is the man still not with you.

Anyway back to the call.

So he was like, and you believed that?  I was confused, hurt, her lies were like truth and right now, I was regretting that I picked up the phone.

He started to pick apart the conversation, highlighted the lies, we both knew…

I had to ask, but did you love her?

 

 

 

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The truth unravels

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so…here we are…I made up in my mind, I am tired of this shit.  I’m too pretty for this drama and you know what.  It is over. (listen, ya’ll gotta buy the book to get the full scoop, cos I have left out a lot of juicy stuff lol)unravel (1)

so it’s over, in my mind I am like, yea, it’s done.  And I sit at my desk and get this phone call.

We need to talk, women to women… I think that’s how the conversation went.  What struck me, not the person telling me that the man pursued her and that she was fully vested in this seemingly one sided relationship, but the fact she said he loved her.  I mean I heard a few lies in the conversation, things I knew were blatant lies, but I said nothing.

But I was steaming inside.  “he loved you?”  he cried and begged you not to leave and “he loved you”

For two years prior, never once did he utter those words to me, and we were close.  Close in the sense that within our first three months of dating shared a staycation together.  We were familiar with each other.  If there were 8 days in a week, he was by me 9…we were together, and not once did he say to me “I love you” but come in Miss #2 saying…yea he loves me….

hmmmm…I made up my mind that I was not calling him, I had detached myself from that situation, but this was too much.  Was it true, did he love her?  Was he just leading me on?

Find out tomorrow!!

 

 

Yo #2, you can be #1 now…

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Three years ago there was an internal war going on. Three years ago I was caught up in a loop of deception, a circus of some sorts.

I met a guy, we fell for each other. you know the typical stuff.  We were great, he had his issues, I had mine…It was never my intention to fall in love.  I mean, ewww, why would I dip my toe into those waters again?  But like a slap in the face it happened.  Shit, I was slipping, and fast.  We spent tons of time together, but something was missing.  Something wasn’t right.

We drifted a bit, but he still had my heart, one misunderstanding and the beginning of the end started. Enter Miss #2, who thought she had won the lottery.

He liked the attention, and I warned him.  But, who was I to say anything, after all, in his mind, I was the one who caused this.. (signal denial and abuse ) so this #2, thought she had a chance, but was unsure, unaware, uninformed ….that she was just a throw back and his heart belonged to me…

join me next time to hear what happened next, did he chose her, was there a confrontation, why can #2 be #1?tumblr_mc9z4bbKNB1r7sgx0o1_1280

 

 

 

 

 

Back at it again

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writing-lifelong-journey

Facebook memories made me remember that I loved writing.  Well, not that I forgot, but I totally forgot that I had this blog.  I read with fascination some of the things that I went through, and you know what?  I missed that part of me.

I missed the part of me that was free to express myself and not care what people though, a space where I can be me.  So here I am again, back at it again and ready to keep things candid and share my view on evea-ting!!

I hope you take this journey with me…

I Didn’t subscribe for this…

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Right now I have mixed emotions. Imagine, you went to school and followed your passion. The one thing in this world that you knew would make you happy, the one thing that makes you motivated to get up and go, that one thing that doesn’t make your job feel like a job….and then….boom….it’s all taken away….well granted, yes you still have a job, but now, you are being boxed in to a niche which you never wanted to do. If my passion was accounting, I would have started my dream from early and been crunching those numbers.
Circumstances now force me to stay in an area which I have no interest in, what happened to the “right fit” I am the odd jigsaw puzzle or is it the missing piece?
Right now, my hands are tied, i have no choice but to conform, but it kills me inside. Yes, i’ve tried the positive outlook of thinking of the experience i will be gaining…but ummmm experience in an area which means nothing to me….which i have no passion for….

Ya mouth stink and want airing??

OH EMMM GEEEEEE….

The art of conversation is a dying trend….look….quick….I’m throwing you a breathe mint, that might be helpful…because some people feel the need to fit in sooooo much they don’t know what to say, when to say or how to say it.

 

Imagine, you may be having some light office banter, nothing too serious, just the usual water cooler conversation.  The topic of conversation, or should I say the who in the conversation passes you and you decided to “air your mouth” by calling the person over and telling them what you were talking about…seriously…are you that in need of companionship/friendship that you have start talking and talking a roll of stuff that should be left in your toilet.  The conversation was between you and person A….there was no need to bring a third party into the situation, but the attention seeking, conversation wanting hoe in you…flies out of your mouth and ta-dah….. Here we have it folks, the CONVERSATIONALIST that everyone rolls their eyes at and fake smiles at…..

The art of conversation is a beautiful thing….you not only get to express your opinion or share an experience, but you get to listen…really listen to what the person is saying and this gives you the chance to have an interesting conversation.

I think in a past life I was meant to be a psychologist….that or I just got too much damn time on my hands LOL…..I love to observe situations, I love to people watch…there is an art to what I do….there are many things that drive me….many things that power me to be the artsy person that I am. 

A  person asked me the other day, “if  you were to meet you….would you like you….”Well I say…hell yea….after all, who doesn’t love a narcissist who keeps it real, but has your back when in need?  I mean….I think I am witty and have enlightening conversations…..what’s not to like?  LOL….anyway…my grown woman though for today…is knowing where and when to say what you say….we have so many people who are ready to steal your seeds of words and plant them in the mind of people, and not necessarily to grow a garden of flowers, but to grow weeds that wrap around the dreams and hopes of your flowers.  So be careful what you say and to whom….if not check me…..I have tons of mints…..

 

 

 

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cleptomanaic strangers to the truth

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My mother always said her mum would say… you can get way from a thief… but a liar is hard to avoid….well something like that!  But what happens if u are unfortunate enough to be a thieving liar? Lol the two characteristics seem to interlock dont you find?  I am not sure why some people lie...well yea I know some do it to get out of situations...others are strangers to the truth and will lie about illnesses... deaths in their families..... or about who they know or things they may have.... the amazing thing about this is that some people lie so much that they start to believe their own lies....smh....Don't get me wrong I have told a few minor adjustments of the truth already but hey.... I'm not perfect....contrary to popular belief.  As for stealing.... wow can you imagine the things people steal?  Not only money but hearts.... im guilty of that.... I steal feelings lol... seriously tho.... people steal trivial things....Anyway nothing seems to go unnoticed.  Another saying I love but seems relevant to me too is....whats done on the dark.....Always comes to light.
I digress....but don't be cleptomanaic strangers to the truth...

family vs friends

I know many will agree with me…. some friends hold more value than family members. I have friends that I can call on at any hour… friends who will give me their last….. friends who are like mi familia…. but then there are my blood relatives that I have no want or love for…. yea awful? But it is reality…. I have aunts that I have not spoken to in more than 4 years. I have cousins that hide up information…. All I can do is shake my head. It is a good thing that the few family members I do speak to I can tolerate lol…. and the good thing about having friends is that I get to choose who I want in my circle. Family is a funny thing….leave me with my friends…. cos even if they let me down I can chalk it up to them not being obligated.

rich and switch

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It amazes me how people have an attitude of getting ahead on life and switching up how they treat others.  And you are treated like the bad guy when you remind them of their humble beginnings.  I’ve learnt you should never turn your back on those who genuinely had you from day one.  No job, no man….nothing will make Samantha be someone other than who I am. I laugh and tease people about them not bring on my level,  but in all honesty, there is no great divide between me and someone else.  Let me publicly say right now too…. I will never let a man consume me so much that he becomes my whole world….. never would I cut off friends….The same friends I may want to vent with if he acts up.  But you know what….you reap what you sow and lessons are sometimes taught the hard way for greater appreciation.

Rules of a number two…play the game well

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There are ways to play a game so that you win.  After all, the objective of any showdown is to ensure that you come out on top.  However if you give up your hand too soon or don’t read your contender you will lose.  The game of attraction is like this…from day one….if you are appealing you start with a number of points.  Your mannerisms and attitude towards certain things make you lose or gain points.  Where an opponent fell down recently, was trying to move sly, trying to undermine the other party..  .but you know what? That player is not smart nor is that player a top player so the sly move backfired and left them healing a wound.  You approached the king…expecting that he would chose between a number one or a number two…. as a number two player…you have not nor will not reach a number one spot because you lack confidence, originality and understanding of the game.  The smart move would have been to wait until the number one was out of the picture and then approach…not troll the number one nor attempt to push the number one out of the water.  That will NEVER happen…..number one is there to stay until they are ready to leave…. number one runs this game and even if the king slips and dabbles with the two…   he will always return to the number one…..so play the game well….and a note to the wise the mask of pretense you wear is transparent….everyone can see how unhappy you are…everyone laughs at you behind your back….you just hate number one because it is everything you want and never ever will achieve… so know your lane and don’t cross it again….or the consequences will not be a physical hurt….but an emotional hurt of realizing you are never ever good enough to be number one….track record speaks for itself…you had a king and got taken out by an older and clearly wiser number one….you tried again and another number one took back their king….you nearly had a number one spot but you let it go for a king which was using you because his number one went off the grid….and you lost your chance at being number one….now you have the pleasure of masking your pain.. happy people don’t have to verbalize it….

Signing out number one….good luck next time